We're facebook friends in real life
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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