i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
