So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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