I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
