I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
