Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it was like eating out sand paper
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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