he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
