Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
