alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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