i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
