so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
