just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
