made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
