i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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