I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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