yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
