Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
