I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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