if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
