Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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