I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am one with the molecules
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
