Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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