i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The feeling are messing with the penis
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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