I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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