Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
