mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
