he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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