it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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