Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
