After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
