ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
