i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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