Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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