If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
