Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
