capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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