Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
