Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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