he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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