used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
