Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did I show you my penis last night?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
