My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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