I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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