Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
