if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
