What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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