i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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