maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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