Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
True strength comes from lack of pants
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
