Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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