White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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