Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
