You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
