Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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